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I worry that we use the word “love” in weak and insipid ways nowadays. We can say that I love my wife or I love milkshakes and although we are using the same word, I trust that we don’t mean the same thing as we say it. More than that, I worry that we don’t give it the full, proper meaning.
An example of this is in the commonly heard phrase “You just need to love them” (or a variation on this). What is being meant by a statement like that is the thought that to love is to agree with those being spoken of and what they are doing, to affirm them and to encourage them in what they are doing. You see it in pre-schools in New Zealand now where it is thought to be unkind to say no to the children or to say they have done things wrong. But it is wider than that, to love ourselves means likewise giving ourselves permission and encouragement to do the things we want. Love is portrayed as if it is necessarily and exclusively positive in this sense. To love is seen as agreeing, affirming and encouraging and therefore to be unloving is to disagree, say no and warn.
However, as a Christian, we should be clear that this is not the full picture. Consider the Ten Commandments. We have ten statements given by God about how we should live. Eight of them are “Thou Shalt Not” statements forbidding certain actions. Thou shalt not have other gods, make idols, misuse the name of the Lord, murder, commit adultery, steal, lie or covet. The other two are more “positive” instructions asking people to remember the Sabbath and to honour their parents. So 80% of the Ten Commandments are pretty “negative” (if I can put it like that).
And yet, when Jesus in the New Testament summarizes the law he says that the law is summarized by (1) love the Lord and (2) love your neighbour. All the laws come under one of two headings, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbour as yourself.
Think about that for a moment. Jesus says that the summary of all those “thou shalt nots” is love. Not doing certain things, refraining from things can actually be loving the Lord and loving your neighbour. Not having other gods or idols or misusing the Lord’s name is loving the Lord and not murdering, committing adultery, stealing, lying and coveting is loving our neighbour.
So, it is clear that love is not just about affirmation, permission and agreement. Sometimes to love will include not doing certain things, it may include rejecting things, disagreeing with things and even prohibiting things. “Thou shalt not” can be just as loving as any other words or response. Our tone, motivation and posture may all play a part in us loving (it’s never just our words) but it is indisputable that love is far bigger and more complicated than the world today often teaches. Our Christian view of love is far more powerful, robust and life-giving than the current cultural standard in New Zealand and we would do well to remember that, live it out and challenge the so-called wisdom of the world which can be so reductionistic and damaging.
Sometimes we will love people as we affirm them and encourage them and sometimes we will love them precisely as we warn them and tell them not to do certain things. Let’s love in its fullest and truest sense, seeking what is best for those God puts in our path. That’s what the Lord has done for us.
2 John 6 And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
Bishop Jay Behan
Church of Confessing Anglicans
New Zealand
