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I am currently part of a diocesan committee looking into the issues of marriage, divorce and remarriage. Not only are these topics of enormous importance; they’re also areas where we in New Zealand, as Christians in the West, often find ourselves significantly out of step with the culture around us. The theological truths and pastoral implications in these connected issues are many and varied, and I have been encouraged, challenged and humbled as I have spent time reading, reflecting and discussing them. I am so thankful that our Diocese is wrestling with these issues seeking to be faithful to our Lord.
Flowing out of these meetings, I have been struck by something. In some ways it’s a relatively minor point, but I wonder if it reveals more than we realise. What dawned on me was the great disparity nowadays between how we prepare for a wedding, and how we prepare for marriage.
When it comes to weddings, the planning often begins many months beforehand. Details are organised and discussions are had on every aspect of the day. When I Googled the average cost of a wedding in New Zealand, I was told that it is $32,000! Where the events will take place, what will be worn, what entertainment will be offered, what vibe will be aimed for and much, much more are talked about, planned and executed. So much money, time and effort goes into an admittedly very important day—but it’s a day.
Do we put anywhere near the same amount of thought, discussion, planning and execution into the marriage that, we pray, lasts not for a day but for a lifetime? Perhaps the lack of thought, discussion and planning about marriage is the clearest sign that we don’t value marriage or attach the same sort of significance to it that the Lord himself does.
There is a larger principle at work here: we can so easily focus on the wrong things. Our culture pours time, effort and resources into the temporary things of this world, at the same time giving little attention to the things of eternity. We are so easily obsessed by the things around us, and we are unable and unwilling to lift our eyes towards the things of God. I pray that we as Christians will not get drawn into that pattern of living, but instead will keep focussed on the Lord, the gospel, and matters of eternal significance.
Don’t get me wrong: I love weddings. A wedding is a very special and important occasion. It’s a day where a couple stands up before God and in front of loved ones to declare publicly their intentions towards each other and make vows to one another. It’s incredibly significant. What’s more, there is no doubt a wedding is a complicated day that demands preparation.
But living out those declarations and vows in marriage will bring more complexity, more pressure, more joy and sorrow, more sheer delight, more profound sadness, more questions and more uncertainty than any one day can. We should invest time, money and effort into preparing our brothers and sisters in Christ for the marriage, not just the wedding.
In the same way, let’s ensure more and more that 2 Cor 4:18 is our attitude. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Bishop Jay Behan
Church of Confessing Anglicans New Zealand
